How Being Childfree By Choice Impacts Your Finances
How Being Childfree By Choice Impacts Your Finances
What has led some to the decision to be childfree? Is being childfree by choice detrimental to our society? Being childfree seems to be trending among millennials although it is not a trend per se. It seems that a lot of people are having children later in life or putting it off altogether.
Why Are Some People Childfree By Choice?
A few reasons why some people are childfree by choice include not wanting to take on the responsibility to raise a child, devoting time to focus on their career, financial instability, and worry about raising a child in our society and keeping them protected.
Acknowledging your financial situation is the opposite of selfish. Inflation, needing dual incomes, or mental health struggles can make it difficult to raise children. Not everyone is fit to be a parent and it is a responsible adult decision to acknowledge that.
Is Being Childfree Detrimental To Our Society?
Some people have a maternal instinct and others do not. Therefore, those who decide to remain childfree are not a detriment to our society since life will continue to go on – those who want children will continue to have children. There will be no risk of underpopulation. Everyone has different instincts and desires when it comes to what fits their personal choices and lifestyle.
Does Being Childfree Impact Relationships?
Being childfree does not have to impact any romantic relationships as long as there is transparency. This is a topic that one should discuss early in the relationship to avoid wasting anyone’s time. This is a personal decision that one should consider before entering into a relationship so that you are not influenced by someone’s else’s choice. There have been stories of couples getting married and one partner wanting children and the other did not which can lead to resentment. This is something to consider before walking down the aisle.
When it comes to family ties or platonic friendships this is again a personal choice. Parents may ask about when you are giving them grandchildren or your circle of friends may be starting to have children. In situations like this is is important to remain tactful yet firm about your decision. You really do not owe anyone an explanation but you can state your reasons if want. Your personal choice will most impact you.
What Constitutes A Family?
Many people have their own interpretation of what a family consists of but one definition of the word family is a household. This household does not necessarily need children in it to consider it whole. Some people cannot have children and others do not want children. This does not demean what a family can consist of regardless of who it includes.
Since both adults often work in a household, it can be difficult to raise children while still devoting time to be attentive to their needs, wants, and education. We need to redefine the term “family”.
Statistics & True Costs Of Child Rearing
It is expensive to raise children from birth to 18+. Especially if both parents work childcare costs will also need to be taken into consideration. Also, in the US there is no federal paid maternity leave; this parental leave is ultimately left down to the employer you work for.
According to statistics from the USDA, parents with children born in 2015 could expect to spend $233,610 to raise a child until the age of 18 (factoring in food, clothing, and shelter). The costs only increase each year due to inflation and this cost does not factor in a college education.
Misconceptions
- Anyone who does not want children is selfish.
- You are not living up to your purpose to reproduce.
- You must really hate children.
- Who is going to take care of you when you are old?
- You’re going to change your mind when you get older.
In what way does someone not wanting to have children impact you personally? It doesn’t. Children are very impressionable and it is important to have the right intentions when it comes to whether or not you should have children.
It may be biologically engrained in us humans to reproduce but not everyone has a maternal/paternal instinct. Not reproducing is not failing as a human or not living up to your true potential since there is more depth to your existence than your reproductive organs. Also, the mere fact that women oftentimes get more pushback about remaining childfree than men comes to show that we need to reappraise gender norms.
Childfree people can love children but not want any. This may be the case if someone grew up with lots of siblings, nieces or nephews, worked with children, or someone who has a lot of friends with children.
Since children are not a retirement plan, this should never be the reason to have children. Using children as a retirement plan is selfish. It is important to reappraise your reason for wanting to have children.
Like with many things, you are entitled to change your mind. Life circumstances and perspective can change with time. This doesn’t mean everyone will change their mind about children but it can happen and if it does happen that is not a time to point fingers and say “I told you so”. A great example is Jeannie Mai. She made it very clear that she did not want to have children nor did she see her self as a mother in her first marriage but after her divorce and getting remarried she changed her mind and there is no shame in a person having a change of heart. Other women such as Julia Stein discuss her choice to never have children.
For those who are on the receiving end of these questions it is important to pause and decipher why someone may be asking these questions. Are they genuinely curious while still being respectful of your decision or are they asking to try and convince you otherwise? Not everyone will have your best interests at heart.
Aren’t You Afraid Of Boredom?
Childfree people can find things to do with their time. Not having children does not mean someone cannot have a fulfilled life that has purpose. Many childfree people focus on investing, traveling, and spending time with their partner. There is always an abundance of things to do.
Many childfree people do love children and would be happy to occasionally babysit the children of their friends for instance without having the permanent responsibility to raise them.
Removing Judgement
The reason it is important not to judge others for what may appear one way to you is that you never know someone else’s circumstances. For those who are childfree but not by choice maybe they are having difficulty conceiving, maybe they lost a child from a miscarriage, maybe they cannot physically carry a child to term without a serious risk to their health, maybe they are considering adopting. If anyone belittles your personal choice they did not respect you to begin with.
In conclusion, it is your personal choice whether you want to have children or not without the stigma from society. As for those who are childfree by choice – don’t judge. As for those who are childfree not by choice – don’t give up . If you want children, all the more power to you! If you already have children check out my post about how to raise financially responsible children. As always, exercise your freedom of choice!